Golf is my favorite sport, simply because when I practice in the driving range and swing the ball to higher distances in the open space. I feel that I can reach my target the more I practice and that all my stress is gone and I can focus in what I want to do. => this sentence is not clear enough although quite long. should be :because I feel that I can reach my target when practicing in driving range and swinging the ball to higher distances. I started to know about golf for the first time just four months back =>I became accustomed to golf four moths ago when I got the opportunity to work in a golf academy as an English translator for one of the Professional instructors. He always => often explained how to swing before hitting the ball for beginners, and from there =>and out of curiosity, I started searching and asking more about golf and its rules and the more I know it, [/font[font#FF0000]]the more I get passionate to know and practice it=> the more I get passionate to play it.
What I got to know is that golf[/s]=> The interesting thing to me is golf is quite different [s]than from other sports .First of all, the player has to concentrate on the way => to consider/ care about the ways he stands and how to swing his club or iron, and winning or losing the games depends on strategy. Secondly, it is one of the few ball games that does not require a standardized playing area. Instead, the game is played on golf "courses", each of which features a unique design, although courses typically consist of either nine or 18 holes. Golf is defined, in the rules of golf, as "playing a ball with a club from the teeing ground into the hole by a stroke or successive strokes in accordance with the Rules." Golf for those who doesn't know it, might not seem exciting to watch, but if you are a competitor, you will find watching tournaments and observing the game an interesting thing.
honestly, your organization is a bit messy.You should write about the interesting features of golf in the 2nd para. In 3rd para, you should write about the materials and how to play golf. And the 4th para should be about the emotion people have when playing golf or the benefits it brings.
Also, you should review your writing style and your expression (sometimes, sentences are too long but still ambiguous). It is a pity that you did not mention what the essay is used for so I do not know what kind of writing it should be.
There are some changes that I recommend in the two first paragraphs. You should revise thoroughly the rest of your writing.
Hope it helps you and good luck with the test